{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

in memory of DR

I've spent the week trying to write this post, and I end up staring at my screen. Our high school lost a student this week, a 16 year old junior, as a result of injuries sustained in a car crash. It was one of the worst weeks of my teaching career; and yet, when I try to explain why I live and work where I do, this is the week I will reference.

I witnessed hundreds of kindnesses this week, between students, teachers, colleagues, friends, and family. Our high school has under 350 students, and a staff of 50 or so. To say we all know each other's business is an understatement. Often times that can be frustrating, but this week... I can't express the comfort that brought. We were free to be ourselves, to grieve as we needed, no matter who was around. We'd check on each other, and people were thankful that someone was there catching us in our off moments, as they'd done for someone else before. It sounds surreal, and it was. I wouldn't have believed it either if I didn't live it.

This place has been described as magical before, and it truly is. You don't have to love your neighbor, but there is a definite sense that we are all in this together. Sadly, we have some practice putting together benefits and memorials... people rally around those in need, no matter the cause.  Knowing that I am not alone out here, trying to safely get my children, friends, and family from point A to point B, is more comforting than anything.

We don't know what tomorrow will bring. If this week has shown me anything, it's that we can weather whatever it is as long as we're not doing it alone. Tell people what they mean to you, and tell them often. Be nice to each other-- on good days and especially on bad ones. Take the time to smell the roses, but also to act on your dreams. It might not always be pretty, and it might not be the way we'd have scripted it, but we can get through anything together.

There's No Place Like It

It was one doozy of a week. I'm feeling thankful and blessed to have a home that is all these things and more....


http://thisisindexed.com/2011/10/theres-no-place-like-it/

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

Which words should we live by?

My colleague had a sub on Friday, the same one who has subbed for us in the past. "It has a different feel in here this year. Calmer, more focused. Just thought you should know". He's right: we've found our groove, at least for the moment. Each year has it's own issues, which is part of what I love about my job-- it keeps me on my toes.

My struggle this year is to balance the need of teaching the Sunnies to conform while helping them keep the parts of themselves that make them unique. When do you 'go along to get along' and when do you 'march to your own beat'? Those answers can be different on any given day-- or any given moment. I hate to watch them beat their heads against the wall again and again, knowing it's going to end badly; yet, I am proud of them for standing their ground and believing in themselves, no matter what else anyone says.

Maybe I should start playing the Gambler:
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away, and know when to run...

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this *proud* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

(I know, I know, no words... but I am really proud of this guy. His skills have improved, he's a team player all the way, and he's consciously being more positive on the field. I love watching you play!)

tough love

Alternate title: the honeymoon is over.

Back to school is a time of goals, spoken and unspoken. I can tell that quite a few sunshines set a few for themselves this fall, even if they didn't jump up and down telling me. Some of them are meeting with some success... but some are very much not.

You know how this goes-- you make your New Year's Resolutions every January, and by Groundhog Day, they're out the window. It is hard to change habits. And when you want to change something that you really enjoy doing (like eating dessert or drinking soda or hitting the snooze button) it's really, really hard. You need help, support, and someone to help hold you accountable. In our BtS resolutions, I get to be that person.

One of the things I think I'm pretty good at is separating the sunny from the decision. We all make bad choices, but that does not mean we're bad people, and it's no different for kids. When one of them skips school, for example, and is seen at the homecoming parade, I don't take it personally. But I do stop the van, roll down the window, and call him on it. It's not because I want to make anyone feel bad, but because I want them to know that I want them at school. I want them to learn from this and to make a different choice the next time. I want them to believe that I care, and that my actions match my words. Come to school so I can help you graduate-- and I'm not even kidding when I say I want you here.

There are a few of them teetering on this long term gain/short term gratification fence, for different reasons. The good news is I think they know I really do want them around. I think they also believe that I hold them to a high standard of behavior because I not only believe that they can achieve it, but also because it's what is best for them long term. And I hope they also know that if they decide they just can't do it right now, that they'll still be a sunshine, and I'll still look out for them just as much as if they were in my classroom. I guess I'm sort of like the Hotel California: you can check in any time you'd like, but you can never really leave :)

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

finding Common Ground

I'm not a big fan of field trips. Between the organizing and the fear of losing a child, I'd always rather just stay home. But, I also know trips have value, and so I put on my big girl pants and deal. (Knowing that it's always worth it in the end helps too.)

Friday's trip was no different. I have some paperwork stuff to deal with on Monday (mostly related to attendance) but once again I'm glad we went. The kids spent an hour volunteering-- they were parking cars-- and it's always wonderful watching them outside a classroom. A couple of them took some attitude from some frustrated drivers; I told them to remember how it felt to be on the receiving end the next time they were on the giving end. But they kept their cool, and I think enjoyed the day.

My hope is our common experience helps form a stronger sense of "us"-- or at least "us" as it exists during this school year. It's human nature to divide ourselves into groups of us and them: part of what I try to do is expand their definitions of who belongs with us. My students aren't all friends with each other, and they don't have to be, but they do have to coexist. Days like last Friday help make it work for us.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

settling in

We're into our third week of school, although it's only our first full week. I have not been good about blogging, which is probably more troublesome for me than for my Dear Readers. Part of what is so wonderful about blogging is it gives me a chance to think and reflect on my own and yet get feedback from people I trust. So as we start the new year (this is the 'real' one for many of us-- January is just for practice), I am going to strive for one reflective post per weekend.

This week, like most of my weeks, had it's highs and lows. We've settled into the curriculum, and I'm feeling pretty good about what we're doing. For the first time since I've been in this program, I have only 5 preps, and I'm teaching at least 4 classes that I just taught last year! (Praise God and glory be!) Yes, for most high school teachers that's a lot, but for me, who is used to 8 preps and not being able to reteach anything, well, ever... this is absolute heaven. I feel like this is the year I become better at the academic side of my practice, and I am very much looking forward to that.

Socially, we're much more balanced this year. I'm used to having a co-teacher rather than an assistant, and my colleague has a better sense of what it is we're trying to do; in short, we're getting pretty close to finding our rhythm together, which is a very good thing. We've let the Sunnies sort themselves into preferred classrooms: they still have to go to whichever class they need for credits, but they get to return to their comfort zone in between. Another huge change has our last class of each day as independent study time. Because 80% of this year's class are seniors (4th, 5th, or 4th-now-but-expecting-to-be-5th-next-year), there are quite a few of them who have needs specific to themselves and not to a full class of students. What's nice about this is they have control about how their day ends. Yesterday, my room had 10 kids all working on their own stuff. I had 2 groups of 2 kids working together and supporting each other through the chapter... and all I had to do was sit back and watch the magic. Yea, that's a good day.

So I'm back in the swing. I'm not going to lie and say my alarm clock and I are good friends, or that I wouldn't be all over working in a school that started at 10 AM.... but I feel pretty great being back in my room, pushing my Sunnies to be all that they can be.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

half full or completely empty?

Just about 30 minutes ago, our town voted down a $10,000 grant that would have allowed us to keep the old school building and turn it into a community center. It was not a pleasant meeting. I love my town, but I do have a hard time being in a place that is afraid of the future. Most of the arguments were based on "what if"s... what if the furnace dies, what if we can't find more grants... half empty lines of thinking. I am half full to a dangerous point, I realize-- "Let's go for it, and it'll all work out somehow!"-- which is no way to run a business or a town, but there has to be a happy medium in there somewhere. Sadly, this project is not the one that will allow us to find it, because the building is now closed, forever.

Sadly, it reminds me of the town meetings when the town had applied for a new school building back in the early 90s. I wasn't a voting member of the town, but as an employee of the school I went to a few meetings to be informed. The town voted that building down... which is what directly lead us to have to merge with the neighboring SAD a decade later, which then became the massive RSU we now work for and send our kids to. The fear of the circuit breaker (the amount of the building which we did not have to repay because it was deemed more than the town could afford) caused citizens to turn it down in 1994. Those very ghosts were present in that same room tonight, but at what cost?

{this *family* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this *soaked* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this *local* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

I feel the need to break the 'no words' rule here... everything edible on this plate except for the dressings and spices were grown or raised within our zip code. That was a very satisfying meal.

friendship pasta

Last week, the men and the kids took off for HP 7.2. I have a whole soapbox speech about this series being turned into movies when kids were reading the books from which I'll spare you, but needless to say I chose not to go. Mrs. Bestfriend didn't go either because she's just not that into it. For dinner, we created a blue cheese pasta recipe using mushrooms and onions, and I will say it was pretty darned good. While looking through my kitchen to see what I could make for our party tonight, it hit me: summer squash.

Here's the recipe, without pictures because I'm not Pioneer Woman or a food blogger.

1 lb of cooked pasta, your choice

3 decent sized summer squash*, diced into 1" squares
1/2 an onion, diced  (I used a bunch of green onions*, because that is what I had... you could use garlic if that was your preference too)
1 green pepper* (again, going with what I had in front of me. Skip the pepper, use a hot pepper, whatever sounds good to you.)
1/2 cup heavy cream
2 oz blue cheese
2 oz feta cheese (or parmesan)

heat some EVOO in a pan and saute your onion and pepper. (If I'd had any mushrooms in the house, I'd have used them and added them here.) When those are softened, add the summer squash and cook for about 15 minutes, letting them soften up nicely. I covered the pan and turned it low so they'd simmer and not burn. When you start to run low on moisture, add about 2 tbls butter. When the veggies look the way you like them (I like mine pretty broken down) add the cream and cheeses, stir, and pour over your pasta. If it was winter, I'd probably then pour it all into a casserole dish and bake it, maybe with some break crumbs on top, but it's just fine without that last step. We have some vegetarians joining us tonight, so I left out the meat, but you could totally add chicken or shrimp as well. Give it a try and let me know what you think :)

*The veggies are from our Thurston Family Farm CSA. Have I mentioned I LOVE my weekly baskets?

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this *working* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

(No words are over-rated... you're looking at the above ground pool site and the brick oven, behind the fire pit. Life is good around here, for sure!)

The Backbone of the World

Glacier was incredible. Beautiful. From the beginning, it was destined to feel like home to me: we followed Rt 2 into East Glacier, and just knowing I could follow that road (albeit for days and days) and end up at home helped me relax and enjoy being away. The Glacier Park Hotel is also on the Blackfeet Reservation, which again, just makes me happy. I'm not Native American, nor do I have any Native stories (that I know of) in our family history. But I am an embarrassed European descendant, who hates to think about how horribly we treated the people who lived here first, and giving them some of my money... well, it's something anyway.

We got into Glacier on Monday, late in the day. It's about a 5 hour trip from Dr. Sister's house. The drive was really pretty easy-- well maintained roads all the way, with very little traffic. We could see the mountains to the left of us from about Helena on. (Speaking of mountains and Helena, the Sleeping Giant is pretty cool-- think Old Man in the Mountain, but a lot bigger.) Every time we go to Montana (which is looking like an biennial gig) I'm overwhelmed by what Lewis and Clark did. Hey honey, I'm heading out for the Pacific... see you in a few years! Holy Hannah... I would have turned around about 10 miles into the journey. We passed by the only spot of violence on their trip, when Lewis and his men camped with some Blackfeet for the night and things turned nasty (some say unpaid gambling debts were involved, others say booze... I'm pretty sure, at least, it wasn't over a woman...) and 2 Blackfeet were killed. Lewis and his men beat feet and traveled something like 3 days, day and night, before camping again for fear of retrobution. I say again, I cannot even imagine...

Anyhow, Tuesday was our Red Bus tour. Because of the record snowfall last winter, the Going to the Sun road, which connects East Glacier and West Glacier, was still buried under 12+/- feet of snow, so our route was mixed up a bit. We went to Two Medicine, Many Glacier, and then into St. Mary as far as we could get on the Going to the Sun before the road was closed. One trip is certainly not enough to really experience this place. If we weren't 100% sure we'd be visiting this park again before our tour, we were by the time we returned. Between the evidence of global climate change being right in front of you, the sheer beauty of the mountains and lakes, and the small crowds, this is certainly our kind of park. If anyone is up for a visit in summer 2013, let us know. I know I'm considering taking the train into West Glacier next time, and trying to get to Logan Pass from that side...


PS-- I forgot to create a contest with this one, so leave a comment, and I'll send you a picture. Easy Peasy!

upcoming posts

I owe you a Glacier post and a trip home post, and maybe a I'll-go-anywhere-with-WB-but-hate-going-alone one. And probably a George RR Martin one, too. I promise I'll get to them as soon as I've read my book club book and gotten our teeth taken care of. Promise.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this *late* moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

always look on the bright side of life

As I mentioned a few times on FB, I've been fighting a fever all week. I tried to keep it relatively on the DL... first of all, no one wants to be sick while they're on vacation. Secondly, my sister and her husband had plans to head off on their first night without kids since, well, having kids in the first place... 10 years ago. So sick or otherwise, I was not letting them back out.

I woke up today and knew I wasn't going to kick this without help. Off we went to the local urgent care facility; it's like a doctor's office that runs like an ER. After a 10 minute wait, a very nice doctor (but no where near as nice as my own family doc) saw me. "Normally I'd have waited this out, but we're traveling and I don't want it to get out of control." "Really? A fever for 3 days and trouble breathing: I think it's already out of control!" Ok, gotcha.

One script later we were out the door. Episodes like this make me think about our insurance system. I feel incredibly lucky to have the policy we do. While cost is a factor when we go to be seen, it's not a limiting one. If we need to be seen, we go. But I know that is a luxury to many. I can't imagine living paycheck to paycheck, praying no one gets sick because there is no money to pay the office visit ($104 and change for today; I paid my $15 copay) never mind any medicines. (I hate to imagine what even generic azithromycin cost.)


I am officially on the road to recovery; my sister and brother in law are on their get-away; and WB's presentation is done, to rave reviews. While this was not part of the plan, it's sometimes good to be reminded that needing medical care out of state is still less damaging financially than getting sick at home is for many.

scenes from Yellowstone

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

bringing a pic-a-nic basket into Jellystone*

My sister's family lives about 90 minutes from Yellowstone National Park, and so a day trip in is a requirement of our visits. We entered through West Yellowstone again so we could see the swollen Gallatin River first hand. Because we spent a lot of time at Old Faithful on our last visit, we decided to steer clear of the old girl and focus our attention on other locales.

James had mentioned that the record snowfall this winter in the mountains meant more than just near floodstage rivers: the bison were out and about because there is so much snow in the forests. We were about 15 miles into the park when we saw our first herd at Madison. We thought those guys were close... until we saw the two running down the road between the vehicles. Um, yea, you guys totally get to decide when and where you go anywhere.

We checked out Fountain Paint Pots, Midway Geyser Basin, and then hung out in the Canyon region, checking out the Lower Falls and the Upper Falls. For those of you who remember my claw-like grip two years ago, you'll understand why we did not hike down at all, but stuck around at the safe distance of Artist Point.

If you ever have a chance to go, do. Even the best of pictures don't do the views justice... and mine are by no means the best pictures. There are parts of the park that seem surreal, and parts that are just magnificent to behold. It is very understandable that this place is what became the first national park. We're already planning our next trip back...

*Today's contest is an easy one: who might have titled this post? Comment away, to win a 4x6 shot of this:

According to my sister, this is the quintessential Yellowstone shot. It's of the Lower Falls from Artist Point.

in your eyes

For the first time since flying anywhere as an adult, I shed no tears. Sure, I didn't enjoy the experience: I had to have physical contact with my boarding pass at every second (and made sure the kids knew they COULD NOT PUT THEIRS DOWN); I had to Lamaze breathe my way through some turbulance; my neck is still a bit tight where I was the monkey in the middle between WB and some (thankfully scrawny, but still) guy I didn't (and still don't) know. But, nothing was so overwhelming that it had to leak out through my tear ducts. Small steps, my friends, small steps.

There were some interesting sights along the way. There are many reasons I don't expect my children to ever take up smoking, but seeing the Room of Shame at Dulles might be the clincher. Inside the plexi-glassed walls of this small room (maybe 12x12?) were about 20 sad individuals, sitting there in the smoke filled haze, staring blankly ahead and trying to OD on nicotine.

Our stay at O'Hare was a bit more exciting, as we landed in terminal B, had to get ourselves over to F2D (which did not have us leaving security, however, so I really have nothing to complain about. Plus actually walking more than 20 steps at a time was nice, too.)* Anyhow, we got ourselves some Chili's to Go salads and parfaits, and were settling in to watch the weather in Quebec City (since that's where the plane before ours was headed) when we were relocated to F11, which is a much more old school gate. Down the hall and down the stairs we went, crammed into a huge room of our own (with NO smoking allowed, however), all of us waiting for 5 different flights. Each one would get called, people would line up and head out onto the runway to walk up the stairs onto the plane. Lather, rinse, repeat.


*Grammar freaks out there: where do I put this period? Inside the parenthesis? Outside? One in and one out? I always struggle with such details, and you know how they impact my stories...

Now, those of you who grew up playing obsessively with Little People, those airplane steps are as steep as recreated in plastic form. Going up wasn't a problem, but coming down.... I was working hard not to have my own SNL*. Actually, having come down those stairs I think Chevy may have been a bit hard on President Ford, although Ford didn't have to carry his own luggage while navigating his way down... but still, that was not easy.


*WB was having the very same thoughts as he tried to get safely to the tarmac. Ah, marriage. One mind, one soul, hundreds of bad jokes.

In keeping with the tradition, each of these posts will include a 4x6 picture giveaway: all you have to do is comment back to me (on the blog directly or on FB whenever it decides to feed in). The title of this blog is a reference to an older movie where the girl was petrified to fly, and the boy eventually goes with her on a plane, and talks her through take off. It's the most perfect movie ending, because when they get to cruising altitude and he's saying something about as soon as the captain turns off the seat belt sign they'll be safe... and the movie cuts to black with the airplane 'ding'. Earlier in the movie he'd stood outside her window, in his trench coat, playing Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes through his huge 1980s boom box. Name the movie, or the actor with the boom box, and you'll get this shot:

(And yes, I sang this song to myself, and it worked. We all have our own ways of coping... and after our layover in DC, I am thankful I use music and not cigarettes.)

ready or not

We're getting ready to head off to Montana again*, and I've spent the day prepping the house and the luggage... and reminiscing about our journey 2 years ago. Then we were driving; this time we're flying. Two years ago, it was raining, and had been raining for days and days and days. Now, we've had the most beautiful weather ever. All sorts of flowers and plants are ready to pop, and it's making me sad that we'll miss it. But, as was true 2 years ago, my nephews are growing up without me, and seeing them live and in color is way cooler than seeing any old flower :)


*I know I shouldn't be announcing to the world that we're leaving, but our house will not be empty. We have a highly qualified house sitter, as well as my constable father in law coming to mow on a very regular schedule. So no worries. It's all good.

I've had a few requests to blog our trip again. I don't think it will be as exciting, since we'll get to our destination in 1/4 of the time, but I'm happy to oblige. Maybe this time the exciting bits will be when my kids take over the writing to describe my flying phobia. Either way, see you tomorrow from mountain time.

midsummer's eve

As a friend pointed out, tomorrow brings us on the downward slide towards the winter solstice. I choose to ignore that fact for a bit longer and just bask in the glory of long days and short nights. To honor the day, we used our first farm basket from Thurston Family Farms and made swiss chard artichoke dip with this beautiful greenery and
and grilled chicken and steak ceasar salad for dinner.
After dinner, the kids made the desserts they are best at:

Happy Midsummer to all... and to all a good night!

(PS: Happiest of birthdays to two of my favorite people! love you!)

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

as we head into summer...

Marks of authenticity.

Posted on June 14, 2011 by Jessica Hagy

This is not comforting today, as we head out on summer vacation. Sunshines: don't get yourselves too scarred up. I have proof that you're alive, and I truly would like it if you stayed that way. Remember, if anything bad happens to any of you... I will NOT be ok!

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

vacation...

I got a hug from a sunshine this week. He'd gone out to wait for his bus as I was picking up. My back was turned as he came back in; I turned around to find him waiting for me. "Have a good summer Buckaroo"...

You too, honey. All of you. Have a good summer. Have a safe summer. And I'll see you soon.

{these moments}

16 on 16

It's pretty easy to say "I do" that first time, especially if you're relatively young and have never lived with anyone, because you have no idea what you're promising. But that doesn't mean you don't mean it when you say it, and that it is not worth the promise.

The first year really is the hardest. Combining 2 individual lives, with different ways of making dinner and doing laundry and keeping house is not easy. If you can survive the first year, you can survive anything.

Time apart is as important as time together.

Talking is what keeps a marriage functioning. Talk about the weather, politics, groceries, or who needs to line up the sitter. But just keep talking.

You're going to disagree about things: you're separate, intelligent people. Disagreeing doesn't mean you don't belong together; it just means you have your own ideas on things, and you care enough to share those ideas.

If you're lucky enough to have kids, don't forget that your relationship needs to outlast their childhood.

Finding the line between living to work and working to live is key.

It doesn't matter if you squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom or the middle.

Do what you used to do when you were dating. That's what made you fall in love, and it will help keep you in love.

Include your kids in what you used to do, too. You'll see it through their eyes, and it will give it a whole new meaning.

Celebrate the big anniversaries and the little ones.

Don't neglect Date Night.

Be honest, but never cruel.

Passion does fade, but what replaces it is pure magic.

Friends are as important now as they were in the beginning.

While you had no idea what you were promising at that ceremony, be thankful you trusted yourself enough to know you knew what you were doing. Because you really, really did.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

here comes the sun!

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

theme of the week

I do enjoy Indexed... her ability to summarize the complex emotions I'm experiencing and put them onto a 3x5 index card amazes me. And, if the truth were told, focuses me too.

Tomorrow is another day....

How to win.

Posted on May 20, 2011 by Jessica Hagy

if tomorrow never comes

Yesterday, a friend of mine passed away. We did not see other every day, or even every month, but we're the same age and so our lives had a similar path. We met when we were single, and followed each other through dating, marriage, and motherhood. She chose to homeschool, and minimally I'd see her every spring when I'd come in to review portfolios. She contacted me recently about setting that date. And now, I will not be seeing her and joking about being a 'certifiable' teacher... and nothing seems to make much sense.

Part of what is hitting me so hard is that our lives followed a similar path. We're the same age, with children the same ages (although she has twice as many). When I look at my kids, I can't help but wonder how they would fare if this tragedy had happened to us. I want to show WB where I keep all the important documents, just to be sure he knows. And then I think about her husband and kids, and that they are actually living this horror.... and I realize just how selfish I am being.

No one likes facing their own mortality, and this is precisely what her passing has done. We have all sorts of platitudes about the gift of each day, but we all go about our lives thinking we have tons of time to do what we want, to plan for the future, to experience everything. Truth is... we have no way of knowing whether our fate is to die of old age in our sleep or to battle against cancer for years and die at 52 or to have a brain aneurysm at 41, having no idea that morning that it will be our last. For as much as we know, there is so much that we don't, and we have to rely on faith. And relying on faith in the face of something that makes no sense is not easy, and yet it is all we can do.

Unsurprisingly, I've spent the day with Garth Brooks' lyrics running through my head. I do take comfort knowing she was the type of person to live fully, and I am sure all her friends and family know how much they mean to her. I'm just really sad that they'll have to spend the rest of their lives without her constantly reminding them of what they know is true. She loved every bit of her life, and it is a real tragedy that she is no longer with us.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

the dangers of cutting

I attended the school board meeting tonight; to say it was painful would be an understatement. We're losing so much with these cuts, and it's our kids who will suffer. And any cut will affect kids-- whether you're cutting paper supplies or kitchen workers or teachers.

If you don't want these cuts, please come to the informational meetings and say so. Write letters to the editor saying our kids can't endure these losses to their education. Call your board members and tell them to vote down this proposal and request increases. Get involved. This impacts all of us.

Mt. Valley Region: 6:30 Monday June 6 Mexico Town Office
Nezinscot Region: 6:30 Tuesday June 7 Buckfield Town Office
Dirigo Region: 6:30 Wednesday June 8 DHS SCC

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

the morning after

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” MLK, Jr.

I find myself sad today, more than anything else. Sad that it took us 9+ years to achieve this goal. Sad that it was still a goal after 9+ years. Sad that thousands of others died in the quest for this one man to no longer live. And sad knowing that this does not mean the end, but only that things will change.

I am sure there is a 'break-glass-in-case-of-emergency' plan somewhere among Osama's followers, and I am frightened thinking about what grief that will cause. I am worried for my sister who is teaching overseas, and for my friends who plan to do the same next year. I am worried for our troops who are fighting in multiple locales... and while I hope this news brings them home, I am doubtful. My thoughts linger on people in southeastern America-- and Japan and Haiti and all the other sites of recent devistation-- who have lost everything of substance and so many friends and family that it hurts to consider what they are enduring. And I wonder: how does the death of one man-- a man filled with hate, for sure-- make any of their tragedy any better?

I believe in the power of love and the goodness of humanity and the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow way of thinking. The sun did come out today, as it did here almost 10 years ago when bin Laden's unthinkable plan went into action. I wish this death could bring back those lost in New York City and Washington, DC and that field in Pennsylvania... but they are still gone, and we are forever changed by that day. We are probably forever changed by today, too. I hope that this is the end of it, that there are no repercussions, and that our troops can come home and we can all coexist. I'm just hoping for peace...

I realize I am in the minority that I am not rejoicing in his death. While I am thankful that he is no longer here causing problems for others, I am not sure we will be free of his legacy of hatred for some time. I am also sorry that another human being was charged with ending his life: I cannot imagine the toll that takes on someone's soul. It is why I don't believe in the death penalty: I have no doubt that there are people and situations that demand the final punishment, but I do not think it right to ask another human to fulfill that role. And so today I find myself sad more than anything else.

why I love the cold

So I was sitting here, innocently reading Pioneer Woman and snacking on some low salt bdubs, when a tick crawled across my keyboard. Somehow I was able to calmly get myself to the bathroom, fill an old pill container with rubbing alcohol (all the while keeping my eyes on that bleeping creepy crawler) and roll the bastard into it.

At least when it's snowing and cold, I don't have to deal with ticks. I hate those creatures more than I hate mice. And I really hate mice.

I'm going to go freak out now.

{this moment}

A weekend ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.