old roads

I've been fascinated with old roads for quite a few years. Maine has a lot of them; somewhere along the way DOT decided the original road needed to be straightened, but there were already houses on it, so they left it behind and built the new line around it. Some are easy to find ("Old County Road" sits to the right of "County Road") and some you need to look for other clues, like a bunch of houses that look like they were built facing backwards. When I find one and figure it out, it just makes me happy.

Yesterday we visited my parents and my brother, and I think I identified the source of this fascination. When we moved to town in 1978, they were in the process of changing the road. I don't remember it specifically, but there was the side road, just beyond the turnpike, that runs about a half a mile and dead ends each way, with a huge old farm at one end that is obviously facing the wrong way. I remember asking my mom about it, and suddenly, I could see where the road used to come in front of the remaining houses. I could see the path the old bridge took and how those yards on the other side were affected by the change. And I've been looking for them ever since.

(And yes, I did find old 173 SUD as we were driving home from Quebec City...)

Je me souviens

Since the beginning of our relationship, music has been key. We are famous for heading off to Boston on a random Tuesday night to see some band no one else has heard of... and then driving back home and teaching the next day. We started taking the kids with us when they were 4 and 6. We were on our way to a family reunion, flying out of NH... so when a triple bill of some favorites were playing 30 min away the night before our trip started, we couldn't refuse. So, when we were trying to figure out what to do for our 15th anniversary, we started with music.

WB found our current favorite family band performing at the summer festival in Quebec City, a city he loves and the rest of us had never seen. Because it was in honor of our anniversary, we splurged on a hotel room. I must say, I do like the summer mode of concerts... being able to walk back to the room and be comfortable and asleep within 15 minutes is much more fun than fighting to stay awake as we drive back home. But I digress...


Arcade Fire ROCKED! They played many of our favorites (WB called 2 of their first 3 numbers) and generally made everyone happy to be alive. One of the band members was born in Canada, butonly because her family escaped Haiti's dictatorship. The band has worked to help with earthquake damage, and launched kanpe that day, a charity dedicated to helping improve life for Haitians. We certainly love us a good band, but it makes it even more endearing when said band has a social agenda and uses their influence to make the world a better place. The Festival is donating .25 per person who attended this show, and Arcade Fire is matching up to 1 million given through a text donation number (sadly, it seems this only works in Canada). It really was the perfect way to honor our lives together as a family.


Tuesday morning we wandered around and checked out the Old City. It's a relaxed sort of place-- there's no rush, few lines... you just wander around and check out what intrigues you. And so we did. The kids found oversized lollipops, I found some postcards, and WB showed us different places of note. My lack of knowledge of the hometown language certainly hindered my ability to read up on the history of things-- many signs are printed in both languages, but not all. I was keenly aware of my language deficit, although all the shop owners and waitstaff were fluent in English. This trip did cement the idea in the kids heads that being bi-lingual is a good thing, be it in French or in Spanish. (The 2 years of Latin that I took most certainly did not help me this week!)

There is a good chance that both kids will return to Quebec City on 8th grade trips and that we will return ourselves. I may, however, need to sit in on a French immersion class first... I don't like feeling like the Ugly American who refuses to try to conform to the native culture.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

lightbulbs

So many things have started to make sense. I didn't know they hadn't made sense before, but sometimes the light bulb just gets shocked on, and then, suddenly, you know. Nothing has changed, but everything is different.

When I'm in the middle of something, something real and true, I never think about it being temporary. I guess if I thought about it, it would no longer be real, but would become a thing to hold onto somehow, and the magic would end. But looking back is sometimes so painful that it brings tears to my eyes because I miss it so. I've been lucky enough to have a few of these somethings over my relatively short life; usually the path-altering event is a sudden one-- something I, anyway, didn't see coming at the time, but can clearly see now. Something which, once occurred, throws everything under water and you hope to bob back to the surface, breathing, able to find shore somewhere. The scars do heal, with time, and the lessons to be learned emerge from the carnage, but still, some days you think back at how perfect that time was...

I've also missed some things along the way, and for that, I sincerely apologize. Not for not doing anything, because you can't react to something you don't know exists, but for not listening to that quiet voice that said something isn't quite right, and for not trusting it enough to investigate. I hope you know that I'm better at listening to that voice now; I'm sure it helps that I'm regularly getting full nights of sleep. But I know I still miss things; if you need my help and I'm not listening, knock me upside the head.

Sixteen years ago I agreed to bind my life to his, forever. I didn't really understand what that meant-- I understood the words, and the concept, but how can you understand something you've never done? Somehow or another, we've figured out how to navigate this crazy road, construction, right turns and everything else. Three years ago, bestfriend said "I do" for the second time. Which of us was braver? Crazier? Neither and both, I would answer, depending on the day. This summer, one of the next generation is saying I choose you, to be with me, forever. They are kids... like we were... but different, too, and as ready as they can be. I hope my little role in her childhood has helped prepare her, and if she needs help along her journey, I hope she will feel comfortable enough to ask, because we never stop needing the influence of those who have trod along ahead of us.

I started watching Saving Grace again, from the pilot, this summer. Grace has some demons... and some angels, too. I am lucky enough to not need a Last Chance Angel, nor to have met Satan himself. But I have loved my friends and family completely and without bias, and hope that that small part has made their journey easier. Ham tells Grace he will wait for her, and Rhetta trusts her truth without details to prove it. That I can do. I will continue to do. I may not have known at the time, but I know now, and I am here to help.

dip me in the water

Different places have different smells. You know what I'm talking about-- ocean air is heavy with an undertone of Coppertone and fried seafood; public pools have a harsh chemical smell where private ones smell clean; isolated ponds with little direct sun smell cold and untouched. Babbling streams where the unexposed rocks are coated with slippery flora but have been smoothed by the passage of time have a distinct smell as well. It's harder for me to describe, but the closest I can come is understated. Beautiful, yes, but in a quiet, confident way, without needing hundreds of people lining it's shores saying so.

Today, we set out in search of water, and ended up here. Once we'd slid down the little hill to the shoreline, my nose confirmed that we had, indeed, found the place of which we were seeking.

4th of July

4th of July, X

She's waitin' for me when I get home from work
oh, but things ain't just the same
She turns out the light and cries in the dark
won't answer when I call her name

On the stairs I smoke a cigarette alone
Mexican kids are shootin' fireworks below
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July

She gives me her cheek when I want her lips
but I don't have the strength to go
On the lost side of town in a dark apartment
we gave up trying so long ago

On the stairs I smoke a cigarette alone
Mexican kids are shootin' fireworks below
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July

What ever happened I apologize
so dry your tears and baby
walk outside, it's the Fourth of July

On the stairs I smoke a cigarette alone
Mexican kids are shootin' fireworks below
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July
Hey baby, it's the Fourth of July
Hey baby, Baby take a walk outside

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

the fortnight

In the past week, we've watched hours of World Cup, Wimbledon, USA Track and Field Championships, and the Tour de France starts soon.

This is my kind of daytime TV!

it is so very good to be back in my kitchen

Our task for bestfriend supper at their house. Baking? Yes, I think I will, thank you.

DC

Last summer, as many of you know, my brother in law mentioned they were considering a trip to DC after they visited his family in Tarheel country. "If you're on the East Coast, we'll come see you" I casually replied.

And so they were, and so we did. Big Little Sis is spending her summer driving from coast to coast, seeing all her peeps before she heads to China (yes, the country) to teach, and she joined us. And there we were: 3 sisters, 2 husbands, and 5 cousins ranging in age from 1.5 -12.5 years old.

It was a great trip. Since WB's friend from forever ago lives in the greater DC area and has been inviting us to visit for years, we spent our first 2 days in the city with them. We took in a Nationals game, as we're on a lifetime quest to attend games in all the major league ballparks. Our seats were on the first base side, which meant there was no shade. 4:05 start means it's still 90-something degrees out with some insane amount of humidity. And did I mention no shade? The game wasn't really captivating, and you know conditions are less than idyllic when WB is ready to go in the 7th inning. But we've been there, and it was an event Long Time Friends had not attended, so it's good we went.

Because my sister's family is younger than ours, we decided to do the Holocaust Museum without them. It was incredibly well done, and filled with overwhelming images. Both of our kids read Number the Stars by Lois Lowry, and there is a fishing boat from Denmark on display, along with a white wall with names of people who helped those targeted by the Nazis. It was a heavy morning for sure, but well worth it. The museum's motto-- the next time you witness hatred... the next time you see injustice... the next time you hear about genocide... THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW-- is exactly the message we need to get out, and while I know I can teach that without taking the kids to see such things, the images help.


The rest of the trip was lighter. Over 4 days, we got to a bunch of Smithsonians: Natural History, American History, Air and Space, Native American (eat here, seriously. The food was AMAZING.) and the National Museum of Art. We did a double decker bus tour of the city, taking us from Union Station past the Capitol, around the National Mall, by the White House, out to the National Cathedral, and through Embassy Row into Arlington National Cemetery. We walked the Mall, visiting WW2 Monument, Lincoln Memorial, and the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial. I took a bazillion pictures of Capitol Hill and the Washington Monument. On our way out of town, I was determined to find the Japanese American Monument. I'd seen signs for it, and we drove by it on the bus tour, but it's exact location eluded me. Luckily Big Little Sis had her iPhone, and got the address for me, and as we checked out of the hotel I realized it was on the opposite corner from us, and that I'd walked by it 3 times without realizing it. I taught both the Holocaust and Farewell to Manzanar (memoir of a child who lived in an internment camp) this year, so getting to both these places was significant to me. The message, again, is we cannot let fear and hatred rule. I am certainly doing all I can to get that message out.

We ended up staying at 2 different hotels, partly because we used Priceline and couldn't get one bid for all 3 nights, and partly so we could be near the Capitol so we could hear the Air Force band play from the Capitol steps. The weather had other plans however, and the concert was canceled as the thunder rolled in. We did, however, get to spend the afternoon playing in the rooftop pool, so the move wasn't a total loss.

I am so thankful we took this trip, and that our families get along well enough that we want to spend time together. They have lived on the Left coast since they started having children, and we have only lived here; finding time for the kids to get to know each other is not always easy, but it is something we're all committed to making happen. My goal for this trip was to see my nephews and my family, but I also got to see more of DC than I'd expected. And I got to watch the Two Cathedral's episode of The West Wing in the city. Yea, it was a great trip.


Bonus! I loved doing trip updates so much last summer, but I didn't bring my laptop this time (4 beds in 5 days, needing to walk from one to the other, so I packed very light. If you can tell me what happened in the Two Cathedrals episode and why it was even more significant given our sightseeing, you'll win a picture of your choice. Check out FB for your options.

{this moment}

An idea from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

An idea from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. This is from a few weeks ago, but it still works for me.

the end of school means the beginning of summer

Closing Time, Semisonic

Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world.
Closing time, turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.
Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from.
Closing time, this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a friend.
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Calling All Angels

I woke up singing this song this morning, wondering what my subconscious was telling me. I did not have to wonder long. When I got to school I learned that a former graduate of our school passed away last night as the result of a car accident. She was a tangential Sunshine-- I never had her in class, but she was friends with many, many of mine. To say we are in shock is an understatement.

Earlier this spring WB and I were discussing contract negotiations (he's on the team). They had come to agreement about the length of bereavement leave stipulated in the contract: we acknowledged that in many ways you just have to pick a number, because how can you put a timeline on grief? I have been amazingly lucky to have been spared close impact on many tragedies, although they are getting closer. I pray that I continue to be lucky and be spared immediate tragedy; I also pray that my Sunshines remember that I am always on their shoulder and want them to make smart choices. I do not know what caused the accident, but I do know how teens view driving. I need them to remember that while they feel invincible, they are not all so. Don't speed. Don't drink and drive. Don't ride with someone who has been drinking. Don't drink, for that matter. Don't text and drive. Please, please, please don't die.

calling all angels, calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels, callin' all angels
we're tryin', we're hopin', we're hurtin', we're lovin', we're cryin', we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes

I hope she is at peace, and that she did not die in vain.

it's 9:00 PM

and it's still light out. I am not one who suffers from SAD, but I am one who loves lazy summer meals by the fire with friends. Who loves sleeping in and having no worries about what day it is. And this light means those things are not that far away.

{another moment}

I'm making a ridiculous face, but it's not about me. This week was crazy, and I'm just thankful to have gotten everyone in pictures, even if not all together. Sometimes you take what you can get and you are forever grateful.

{this moment}

An idea from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment to pause, savor and remember.

no no drama

I don't know why, but Senior Drama is even more dramatic this year than usual. And it's not just my Sunshines, it's all of them.

I am so looking forward to Friday at 6 PM. And then again, I'm not, because I'm going to miss these Sunshines...

{this moment}

An idea from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment to pause, savor and remember.