hold on

This could evolve into a picture blog... my head is still full and spinning with all the changes happening around me. Words right now are overwhelming... and the interwebs too public of a forum. I have so much to say, but no energy to say it.

Please do not take my silence for apathy. I hope to be back to regular writing before too long, but until then...I take comfort in pictures and the words of others.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual (becoming a Saturday ritual for me) from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

We Can Get Together --The Hold Steady

She played "Heaven Isn't Happening"
She played "Heaven Is A Truck"
She said Heavenly was cool, I think they were from Oxford
I only had one single, it was a song about a pure and simple love

There's a "Girl On Heaven Hill"
I come up to her cabin still
She said Husker Du got huge, but they started in St. Paul
Do you remember "Makes No Sense At All?"

And heaven is the whole of the heart
And paradise is by the dashboard light
Utopia's a band, they sang "Love Is The Answer"
And I think they're probably right

Let it shine down on us all
Let it warm us from within
He wasn't just the drummer, he was the singer's younger brother
I still spin that single, but it don't sound that simple

Let it shine down on us all
Let it warm us from within
He wasn't just the drummer, he was someone's little brother
I still spin that single, but it don't sound that simple anymore

Heaven is whenever we can get together
Sit down on your floor and listen to your records
Heaven is whenever we can get together
Lock your bedroom door and listen to your records

Heaven is whenever we can get together
Heaven is whenever we can get together
Heaven is whenever we can get together
Heaven is whenever we can get together

Heaven is whenever

craving, doing, thankful for

From my friend Amity. Great idea.

craving:
an entire weekend with nothing to do
(no wood, no raking, no events)
time to nap in the sun, cook with abandon, laugh with friends

doing:
cleaning the kitchen, stacking wood, connecting online
cooking

scrapbooking.... if I'm lucky

thankful for:
my functional, loving, supportive family
the sunshines
a job I love even when it is overwhelming
children who know who they are and what makes them happy
true friends
a husband I enjoy being with, and he with me
having enough but not too much
being content and at peace with myself

If you read, consider yourself tagged. Leave a comment with your thoughts.... or post your own on your space :)

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

you never miss your mother 'til she's gone

This week's Project Runway was quite intense. It was the same challenge as last season when they got to design their own textile, but with an added twist: the textile had to tell a personal story. It was a great addition to an already cool challenge. Add to this a contestant sharing a secret he'd kept for 10 years on the runway... well, even if you don't watch the show, you should watch this one.

It was billed as a 2 day challenge: day 1 to design the textile and get it made, and day 2 to use said fabric. The rest of day 1 was to shop at Mood and, I don't know, make patterns or something... but it turns out, they had flown their moms (and a few other family members) to NYC to visit, and they all got a day off. To say the workroom dissolved into a puddle of tears is an understatement.

What hit me most was how much these people still shine when their mom's validate their lives. And yet, it makes perfect sense. When I went school shopping with my mom this summer we were talking about my job, and I made a comment that what I do isn't magic.. and she jumped right in and said "Yes it is! I've always known you were going to do amazing things." I was shocked, because I had never realized they were proud of me for being a teacher-- and an alternative ed teacher at that. And it felt good to hear it. Really, really good.

I'm 40 years old, and have made choices about the direction of my life regardless of whether they'd have done the same thing. This isn't to say I've intentionally done things to disappoint them at all, but I guess I also hadn't thought I was still looking for their approval. But I am. We all are. Whether we're 6 years old looking out from the risers during the holiday concert or 32 and trying to make it huge in the fashion industry where our failures are very public... as long as mom is there saying "You're amazing!" we can all hold our heads high.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual (becoming a Saturday ritual for me) from my friend Wendy, who got it from SouleMama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

Happy birthday, buddy. I do love you!

it gets better

Eileen posted a link to this site, and wowie wow wow. Somehow, watching this, I'm disheartened and inspired all at the same time. The premise of this site is to tell kids who are homosexual suffering through middle and high school that it gets better. That it's worth enduring the humiliation; it'll get better when you get out of school. Don't give in to the desperation, don't kill yourself; it gets better.

I'm thrilled adults are taking the time to help teenagers who are suffering. The interwebs often get criticized for disconnecting people, and to see hundreds of adults reaching out to unknown kids... yea, this is certainly an upgrade. But as a high school teacher.... I'm crying. That thousands of our students are suffering the worst years of their lives with us, in our 'safe' classrooms, well, it's a reality that is incredibly hard to swallow.

 I know I try to make it better for all kids, but I also know that I don't always succeed. The comfort I take is that I am trying, and that is all I can do. But until we don't need the itgetsbetterproject, I will keep trying to make it better for all kids, no matter what makes coming to school the worst part of their day.